Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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