Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
