From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
