yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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