I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
