Ketchup is God's man juice
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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