Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
