You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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