i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
