it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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