I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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