are you still at the devil's house?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
