wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
