they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
