Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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