D3 body, D1 cock
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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