Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
