so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Welp...herpes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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