awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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