My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
