There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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