Already got asked if we're dating
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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