my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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