"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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