Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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