She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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