my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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