i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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