good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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