I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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