i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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