I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
