"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
