guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
