I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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