it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
