She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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