we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
