so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
