I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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