it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
