pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so let's talk penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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