WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
