dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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