i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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