we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
