I hate your face
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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