What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
false alarm, still single
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
