Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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