people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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