Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
