I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
try to milk me bitch
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