Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
