I'm going to jail i love you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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