I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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