Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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