I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
