My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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