i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
