He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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