I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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