My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize