Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
