My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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