Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
