I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
