Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
