this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
