talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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