you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
