Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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